Now that I don’t have to worry about eye surgery mucking up the rest of my year I can start thinking about life a bit more proactively. I am looking forward to traveling this year, I’ve been slowly making some mental space to write and play music again, and I mentioned that I have a three year plan for myself personally and professionally. In general though, I was surprised at how overwhelmed I felt by not having a future of recovery from the surgery to focus on for the next few months.
I’m bad at saying no to things and a chronic over-doer and the impending surgery, in a way, forced me to take things off of my plate and say no to things. I didn’t want to over commit myself only to drop out later. I already do that when I have bad eye days and it makes me feel horrible. So now, I have no “excuse” to cling to to say no to things, and I have to depend on myself to have the strength to say no, and that’s not easy. I think having less to do, and focusing more intently on fewer things makes me happier and makes me focus on doing those things better.